Another Update on my Grandfather

First of all, let me say thank you to all of my friends that have been so helpful and supportive during this strange time.

My grandfather is still alive, in spite of all medical expectations. He is under hospice care, and still at his regular nursing home. He is bedridden, and unable to feed himself or focus on things like books or television.

He is eating a small bit, and his kidney function appears to have improved slightly. This weekend, I heard he ate a thing of tapioca pudding and 6-10 Cheerios. Clearly, this is not enough food to sustain him.

The hospice doctor is supposed to check in on him later in the week. I hope to have more information then.

His living will states that no "heroic measures" be taken, to extend his life. This means no feeding tube, although he is still on a cocktail of medications, including blood thinners and diuretics, and oxygen via a nose cord thing.

It has been almost 2 weeks since I got the phone call that he had had a second heart attack and was not expected to live. His prognosis at that time was 3-5 days. I am horribly conflicted, as I don't want him to suffer, but at the same time, can't bring myself to say, out loud or in writing, that I wish he would pass away. He has no quality of life, to my eyes. I know that I would not want to be in that situation.

This has been a rough couple of weeks. I haven't been sleeping well, and that is adding to the emotional toll.

Again, thanks to my friends and family. I know that I have been even more lachrymose than usual, and I appreciate your tolerance and support.