Enraged by a Quizno's Commercial

Has it really come to this?

I am being driven into a rage by a Quizno's commercial that has been playing on TNT and USA with the frenetic frequency usually reserved only for presidential campaigns and monster truck rallies.

It is the commercial for Quizno's new prime rib sandwich. It sounds innocuous enough, even appetizing for one of an edacious nature, such as myself. Unfortunately, it follows to its inevitable conclusion, which is a woman, holding a sandwich, UPSIDE DOWN, saying, "It's not lackin' any meat. And that's what real women need."

As if the offense to the sandwich wasn't enough, and the ridiculous delivery of completely trite innuendo regarding said sandwich, she follows all of this up with a truly horrific laugh. I have probably seen the commercial at least 40 times in the last two weeks, no exaggeration for storytelling effect, and every single time, that laugh makes me want to drive a spike through her forehead. Maybe through her throat, so she couldn't make that noise any more.

Anyone stupid enough to take a bite out of the wrong end of a sandwich certainly shouldn't be recorded extolling its virtues, especially if the nature of the discussion is unscripted.

Since I can't vent my rage on the instigator and her hideous, enraging bray, my only other recourse is to hurl a brick through the window of the closest Quizno's.

Tragically, this will probably remain an unfulfilled fantasy. Simply thinking about getting dressed, going to Lowe's, buying a brick, coming home, going online, finding a Quizno's, getting in the car, driving to the Quizno's and hurling the brick seems like an awful lot of work.

I knew my indolence was innate, but I never imagined it would keep me out of jail.

Wednesday Night - Kickin' it with the SGBD

I can't possibly be out of topics, on my second day! That would be entirely too pathetic.

I guess I will just ramble a bit, and see what bubbles up from the dank cauldron of my mind.

I did intend to pass along this link: www.goodsearch.com. It is a Yahoo! search engine, but they donate half of the ad revenue that they receive to a charity of your choice. By using their search engine, rather than Google (sorry, Crevice) or generic Yahoo!, you can support the non-profit of your choice. It comes to something like a penny a search. I am personally responsible for the Atlanta Humane Society receiving upwards of nine cents this week. At this rate, they can count on almost $5 this year. My philanthropy is reaching Carnegie-esque levels. The fine print is that they only get the money annually, but every little bit helps, I guess.

- - -

I am feeling grateful that I didn't take a lot of crap about last night's great butter experiment.

Since it went so well, I am going to further confess that I found some compound, or flavored, butter recipes online tonight, and they sound fabulous! How about ginger-peach butter on a bran muffin, orange cranberry butter on French toast or herbed butter on grilled steaks?

- - -

SGBD is sleeping here on the foot of my bed. She is snoring quietly, and her fur is ruffling slightly in the breeze of the ceiling fan. While I was in Oklahoma City last week, she was an overnight guest at Wagalot. Since she was looking a little disreputable, and the weather is warming up, I had her groomed and her fur trimmed to summer length. I know this will come as a shock, but I think that she looks absolutely adorable!

- - -

OK. Clearly not a lot on my mind this evening. Technically, it is just after midnight, but I am still counting this post toward Wednesday. So there!

What could be better than bread and butter?

I was feeling a bit bad about my blog entry today. I was thinking that just making the announcement and bludgeoning all of you into supporting me wasn't exactly a post. I thought about bitching about the pollen or my taxes, but something happened to upstage my normal bitchy topics.

Traffic was awful, awful, awful tonight on the way home, so I stopped at the Kroger to kill a bit of time and get some food for the pantry. Their bakery had fresh crusty baguettes, and they smelled so good that I had to get one. I was thinking about the bread and butter that we got in France (I know, I know...), and how soft the butter was there, spreadable and so yummy.

Our landlady at the medieval goat farm B&B brought butter up in this little crock every morning. It was a small white porcelain ramekin, and the butter was always perfectly level with the top. You could see where she spun the back of a knife across the top, creating a small swirl and tiny point where the knife was lifted. I stared at that butter every morning, marveling at the difference in delivery, substance and taste.

It was with the memory of that butter, that I decided to do something that will, I am sure, strangle the life out of any last claim to cool that I ever possessed; I decided to churn my own butter tonight.

I know that several of you have laughed right out loud, and I can hear Lizard hooting with derision, but let me just say, DAMN was it good!

Before you start picturing me in a sunbonnet with a wooden churn, let me just say that the tool at work today was Tupperware.

This wasn't my first foray into the Dairy Arts. I remember in 3rd grade, my teacher, Mrs. B., sat us all in the grass, and put some cream in a Mason jar, and we all took turns shaking it. After what seemed like a lifetime to an 8-year old, we had butter and ate it on saltine crackers. I don't remember why we were doing it, but I remember the boredom and the fresh taste of the butter and salty crackers.

I thought I would try an updated version of the same process tonight. I bought a pint of heavy cream, and came home and put it in a small Tupperware container. Don't tell Peaches, the Queen of Canning, but I don't have a single Mason or Bell jar in the house. I wasn't sure how long I would have to shake it, and at several points, I thought my arm would fall off. The whole process only took about 15 minutes.

Initially, it was very sloshy, and the shakin' was easy. After a few minutes, it became sludgy feeling. After about 10 minutes, I opened the lid, and it was the most beautiful whipped cream. Very shiny and smooth. I put the lid back on and continued to shake, even though it didn't really feel like there was much movement inside.

I vaguely recalled from the elementary school example that at some point, actual chunks of butter would appear, and I kept looking for any sort of solid, but it still felt like shaking an empty container. All of a sudden, mid-shake, it turned into a solid, with a lot of liquid. It was crazy!

I kept shaking a bit more, to get one big clump and a decent amount of buttermilk. I drained most of the buttermilk, and squeezed the butter a bit in a piece of cheesecloth, to remove more of the liquid. I stirred the butter smooth, and added a bit of salt.

The whole process took less than 20 minutes, including the mid-salt sampling and exultations.

The fresh baguette, topped with a smooth and creamy butter, took me right back to old stone building on a hill in the South of France.

Jumping Back In...

For some weird reason, I always feel like I have to have some big long entry. Something deep and meaningful.

Since that hasn't been the case for TWO MONTHS, I am going to try a different approach. I am going to post something EVERY DAY for a month, just to see if I can do it. I am already going to qualify this and say Monday through Friday only, since I don't always take my PC home on the weekends. Let's agree to give me bonus points for any weekend post that struggles to life.

The irony of this, is that right about the time I stopped posting in January, I got a new job, which requires me to write. A lot. Every day. I think that is why taking finger to keyboard for something else seems so overwhelming.

I am going to leave this post as is, just an intro to my daily post. From my fingers to your screen.

Please feel free to leave comments, snarky or otherwise, to help me on my daily post.